Friday, May 15, 2009

16 weeks

I was hoping that this was going to be a happy I am 16 weeks 4 days pregnant. Today was the day I was going to come out of the closet, so to speak.

I found out earlier this morning that the baby died.


I don't really have anything else to say. I think that the worst part is that I know what's coming. I know what's going to happen to me, to my marriage, to my family. Part of me welcomes it as if I deserve it...the part of me that knows that my body is defective in some way.

The rest of me is done, and really can't endure anything else.


  1. I am so, so sorry. My heart is just broken with you.

    Don't give up.

    I know it's completely different but regarding you being 'defective' (which you are NOT)I know how you feel. When we had to give up our foster daughter I had this overwhelming sense of not being capable enough or deserving enough. I was crushed. That statement in your post reminded me of how that felt.

    I'm praying for you. There's a light at the end of this tunnel.

  2. Oh Allie. I am so sad for you & your family. Just know that you are NOT defective and this is NOT your fault in any way. I am praying for you sweetie. (((Hugs)))

  3. Dad says he is as proud as a father can be of his daughter, her children, her marriage and her life. There is nothing defective about you! Hug your kids, your husband and remember all the love the world has for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

  4. Aw, Allie.

    I don't have words to express how sorry I am to hear about your baby. So unbelievably sorry.

    Just for the record, I'm going to repeat what everyone here has said, even though I understand you're not ready to accept it: You didn't deserve this and your body is not defective. You have two gorgeous, brilliant daughters to prove the latter. I know that probably isn't a lot of consolation right now, but I hope you can accept that later.

    Take care of you. Please.

  5. Allie,
    I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. I will be praying for you, your family, and your lost little one. Thank you for sharing your raw feelings. I know it will help other women who have gone through this same experience.
    Peace to you,

  6. Hugs- I am so sorry and will be thinking of you.

  7. Allie,

    I am so sorry!! I have been praying for you and your family!! You have also been in my thought's! You are NOT defective!!! You are an AWESOME person in every aspects of your life! You have 2 beautiful healthy girls, that you are a GREAT mother to!! Keep your head up & Take Care Allie!!