Today, my heart has been broken once again.
We went in for our first trimester appointment for what has been a very routine pregnancy. My midwife measured me, felt around, smiled and said that everything looked wonderful, my uterus even felt full for being only 13 weeks. She tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler, but couldn't. She called for a perinatologist to come in with an ultrasound machine. She found a baby with no heartbeat...a baby who measured 12 weeks 6 days (I am 13 weeks pregnant today). The baby died in the last 24 hours.
We are beyond devestated. There are truly no words.
Ironically, it was two years ago on this very day that we learned of our first "missed miscarriage." Apparently, February is just not our month to have a due date.
Most people didn't even know that we were expecting. This pregnancy was unplanned, but certainly not unwanted. I don't know if I can ever allow myself to go through this again...the horrible ache in my heart is so heavy. Joel broke down. I have yet to cry, but I am sure that the tears will come, and overstay their welcome once again.